It scares me not to fit in anywhere. I have heard in relation to me now often non-binary and I myself had thought about it several times.

That I say I don't want to live as a woman, that may be true now. But there are also reasons. Perhaps a passing that I will never achieve. Maybe my size. Maybe because I think only cis-born women are valid. Maybe because the 35 years of being a man were too much.

Do I want to go on living as a man? God no. This is really destroying me. That's why the hormones.

Non-binary - I don't know. That's even harder to explain than the opposite sex. But as I said, my psychotherapist went in this direction before and also a good friend.

I simply feel lost. Maybe it just needs more daring? Just to say, now you live as a woman. But as I said - I don't fit in there. My whole behavior, just everything is shaped by the previous years. I would have to completely turn myself inside out.

The fact that I don't feel masculine inside, but feminine, is something that no one or very few people can see or feel on the outside.